A confused 15 year old

I started writing when I was 15, in the 9th standard. Ankita, my then girlfriend had inspired me to write. This was my first ever piece. My thoughts have changed since then but I wanna publish this too... I find it interesting even now...

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Is anyone listening? Does anyone care? Do we even matter?

One by one such questions haunted my mind on my fifteenth birthday. I am fed up of living such an ignorant life – a life I do not even know why I am living……….

We are born on this Earth to suffer............

If not, then why do we see so much unhappiness, so much sorrow?

Can't there be a world full of happiness?

A world that has no sorrow, no tears, no repentance, no suffering.

It baffles me to know that even if we had such a world, we wouldn’t be satisfied. Confused? Same here. But it is really funny to know that there something called ‘empty splendour’ and ‘shadowless bliss’ which tells us that we wouldn’t be satisfied even if we lead the most happy life full of material pleasures. We would be wanting sorrow and vengeance to bring some spice into our life. It really is funny, the human mind.

If there was God, if there was somebody divine and supreme, wouldn't there have been happiness and joy everywhere? Wouldn't there be no sorrow, no suffering and no tears? Things do not exist merely because they have been defined to do so. We know a lot about the definition of Santa Claus -- what he looks like, what he does, where he lives, what his reindeer are called, and so on. But that still doesn't mean that Santa exists. In one line – if God was real then wouldn’t he be doing something? Doing something about the terror and sorrow that has spread in this world?

But “ right now; somewhere, a child is crying herself to sleep. A few miles away,- a little boy struggles to fight the forces of tyranny and oppression that hound him. Next door, someone is dying. “

We are bombarded today about how there should be equality everywhere and there should not be distinction on any category… But think for a minute…If there is someone really supreme and ultimate, isn’t he being the one who is causing all the distinction. Isn’t he being the biggest dimwit racist, the only reason behind all these kind of inequalities? Why then are some talented and some not? Some intelligent and some not? Some lucky and some not? Why then am I born into a well-off family with all the luxuries of life, with so many opportunities around me, with so many options when there are millions born into families that can’t even afford to feed them? Is it their fault that they are born into such a family? What have they done to suffer so much? They will never even know what a pizza tastes like… Never experience luxury…They aren’t even given the freedom of thought, forget that of speech and expression ! They can’t have an ambition, like I have, to conquer the business world one day and to be the master mind business tycoon roaming around in flashy Limos…

If you are thinking about the Karma theory as the reason for their suffering then please rethink it. Why should someone suffer for something he has done in his last birth when he doesn’t even know what his name was in his last birth! You aren’t connected in ANY way to your last life, then why the HELL suffer for it! If it is so, then I have nothing more to say…

Since I am talking about the Karma theory, let me tell you that it is the VERY reason behind all the terrorism today. It is because of this weird theory that some of the people have got things like Jihad in their minds and are willing to die, causing a lot of destruction, because they think they are destined to do so… To save their own religion. Religion are supposed to be the driving force in people that makes them do only good and nothing bad but it has become the cause of MOST of the wars fought in the last two millenniums. Talk about false ideals…

Life :

We are given life on this Earth to suffer. Life is nothing but a curse not only to mankind but even to the small insects which get crushed under our shoes every odd second.

It is what we make out of our lives that matters……..

Or is it?????

How are we to decide? Are we supposed to fulfill some kind of destiny on Earth? If yes, then what is it? How are we going to know why we are born and why we have to die one certain day? How are we to know why we have to go through moments of joy and moments of suffering? The world might be as well marching into false ideals but then how can we know?

Why should we live a life? Are we ever going to know the answers to this?

Many great people have spent there lives in great austerity setting an example for the people but is it worth it? Renouncing the world, giving up everything you have, getting rid of materialism just in the hope that we will be promoted to a state of eternal peace or moksha. They say that you shouldn’t have any desires, only then will you NOT suffer, forgetting themselves that they are living on the greatest desire of all – to attain salvation! It sounds foolish doesn’t it?

What is happiness? How do you feel happy? Am I leading a happy life? Am I happier with my friends and relations or when I am alone and thinking about how to lead life. I wish I had the courage enough to do something new and different from what a normal person would do and keep on experimenting with my life so that I able to answer these questions.

The lady next door is praying to god. Why? I believe that people just pray to god because they are scared of not being loyal to someone more supreme. What do you get by praying to god, asking for things and complaining or whining about something. Maybe people feel that someone is there to listen to them. Going to temples to attain peace and inner calmness, I believe, is totally psychological. Everybody comes to the temple with peaceful purposes and when you see so many people around you sitting peacefully, you are sure to feel like them. The smell is always soothing and the sound of the bell is calming. Hence you attain peace. I respect people’s faith. But then, why the hell do these people make it a point to go to the temple everyday. They get it down in their schedule. Does it help? I’ve never tried it, I think it’s a waste of time. But if I was in a position to tell you that it really works then surely I too would be going there.

I can go on and on about this but I know I have to give up. I can only hope these questions are answered some day. I can only hope that people start pondering on these questions so that they can realize that they are living life in complete ignorance and then and only then will they go hunting for the answers. In these 15 years of life I have learnt one thing for sure and that is that life goes on…And that is exactly what is going to happen to me. My life will go on and probably none of these questions will be answered. I will live my life like any person does – not believing in himself and following the ignorant masses, because we do not have the courage to do something new. I will lie on my deathbed in a few decades thinking how wonderfully I have wasted my life and foolishly I have played this confusing, incomprehensible game. But for now I am nothing but a confused fifteen year old.